Supposing I could remember...

I composed this blog post in my mind last night... when I was supposed to be sleeping (read: when I couldn't sleep) I do that a lot; compose blog posts in the wee hours of the night, as I lay in bed begging the cogs in my brain to stop spinning ... stop worrying ... stop just thinking, of important things and nonsense. So instead of thinking about weighty financial "stuff" (imagine me throwing my arms in the air in a "bah" like, fiddle on the roof "tradition!" sort of way when I say stuff - hence the quotation marks) and never ending chore lists and stressures, I have trained my brain to think of fluff, such as blog posts and home decorating. Unfortunately, the later keeps my brain just as wide awake as the former.
Last night was a rough back and forth struggle between the important, the pressing, the imaginative, and the thoughtful thoughts.

Here is what won out:

Supposing I could remember to tell myself the following about child rearing:

Messes: Children make messes. Emphasis on children. These past two months I have felt an extreme connection to the mess in my house. Meaning, it is all I think about 24/7. It drives me crazy. I base my worth on it.
Two weeks ago I suppose my mind and heart were at a place where they were ready to hear an important truth. I was on my knees scrubbing endless finger prints and muck off my walls (at exactly the same height as my littlest). When the words "children make messes" came to me. But this time, instead of the emphasis being on the messes, the emphasis was on the children.
I thought of little Landon, running from room to room giggling with sticky who knows what all over his hands. I thought of how little he was. How low to the ground these little hand smears were. And I thought of how grateful I was for him and his littleness.
There will come a time in my life when there are no messes because there are no children. I prefer not to think about it. I prefer, instead, to thank the Lord that I have the opportunity to clean up these messes because I have the opportunity to have these children.

...Supposing I could remember that.

Listen: Listen to my children. Listen to what they are saying to me.
Do you know how frustrating and disheartening it is to be ignored? I just thought of that. Do you know how often my children's voices and questions and stories just become background noise to me?
Cooper talks non-stop now. It's like a little button went off in his head a couple months ago and now his mouth never stops moving. Story after story, opinion after opinion, and a lot of nonsense ... wow. He will often say to me "Mommy, are you listening to me?"

Yesterday, I did.
I stopped
and I listened to him.
I don't know what he said, but it was glorious.
My little boy.

The animation in his eyes, his puffed up chest when he realized I was listening to him; really listening, the inflection in his voice.

He is a wonder.
My children are a beautiful wonder.

Each with distinct and incredible little personalities, likes, dislikes, passions, emotions, all beautiful and they want to share it, the wonder, the newness, the excitement... all of it, with me. I just need to listen.
Listen to my children.
Talk to my children, not at my children. To my children. Listen.

...Supposing I could remember that.

Hold: Yesterday I held my children. Individually. Embraced. Each. Child. What a blessing. To hold their little bodies with their arms firmly wrapped around me. Just transferring all the love I have to them in a single act of affection. Why don't I do that? Why don't I spent those few precious moments every night and just hold them? Just love them.

...Supposing I could remember that.

I love you: A week ago Kameryn asked me if I could tell her "I love you." Dagger. Did I not say that? I thought I said that? I say that now.
Every day, say I love you Kameryn. I love you Cooper. I love you Landon.
I.
Love.
You.
For everything you are. For everything you will become. For everything you are trying to be.
I love you.

...Supposing I could remember that.

Be Kind: There are two things that Brandon and I have discussed as the most important traits we would like to instill in our children. They are kindness and gratitude.
Be kind. I never imagined this would be a problem for me. Let alone that this would ever be a problem between my children and I. But, it must be said, and I must remember: choose kindness.
Choose to uplift, not belittle. Choose to praise, not to criticize. Choose to be kind.
Sometimes wrath is the quickest action to the surface, but only because you let it be. Choose kindness.
Choose to be kind in your discipline. Firm. but kind.

Remember that these children are the single most important people in your life. Remember that raising these children is the single most important thing you will ever do in your life. Choose to treat them kindly.
Be kind. Be kind first. Let it be the first action/response to the surface.

...Supposing I could remember that.